Because Labor Day is around the corner and we're all thinking about that coveted three-day weekend, we thought we'd come up with a list of the Top 10 Excuses to Get Out of Work, brought to you by Bloodsucking Bastards, a comedy/horror film featuring the one office you’d like to work in even less than your own. Bloodsucking Bastards is out on in select theaters and On Demand this Friday, September 4th!

Top 10 Excuses to Get Out of Work

  1. Call in sick saying you’ve contracted Ebola and will need to be quarantined for several days. If your boss is skeptical, say he misheard you and that it’s actually E. coli.
  2. Take a three hour lunch break, then explain that you ran out of gas at the restaurant. And your phone died. And you were 10 miles from a gas station. And your car exploded.
  3. Tell your boss you’ll need some uninterrupted time to yourself to brainstorm ways the company could streamline its processes and save money. Use this uninterrupted time to play Candy Crush and watch cat videos.
  4. Bring an iPad into the bathroom for at least an hour. The longer you’re in there, the less your coworkers will want to know what you’ve been doing.
  5. Explain to an intern that you’re swamped with too many projects and that they’ll need to take on a little more responsibility to help you catch up. Proceed to give them every project you’re working on.
  6. Copy your Facebook or Twitter feed into a spreadsheet. As you read through it, be sure to type random letters on your keyboard so it looks like you’re working on something important.
  7. Start reading a list on the Internet. This won’t technically get you out of doing work, but you’ll inevitably fall down a rabbit hole of hundreds of other lists until you realize it’s now time to go home.
  8. Leave the office for 3 hours in the middle of the day and explain that your kid had a school emergency. Repeat using a different child’s name each time until someone gets suspicious that you might not have 13 kids.
  9. When someone asks you for some of your time, say you’re having trouble “fitting that in” and continue playing Tetris.
  10. Keep saying “I’ll have it for you tomorrow.” When you’re asked the next day, say “Like I said, I’ll have it tomorrow.” Repeat for all eternity.

Maurice Molyneaux